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Difficult People Will Teach You How To Build Your Boundaries

If youre an approval addict or people-pleaser like me, Im writing this especially to you.

You see, Im a person who didnt like saying No.

For the longest time, that word wasnt even in my vocabulary.

For years, I never showed my anger to anyone.After years of smiling even if I was offended, there came a point when I didnt even feel anger anymore.I simply shut it out of my life.(Believe me, I thought I was very holy because of this.Not realizing I was emotionally a mess deep within.)

I had an approval addiction so powerful, it ruled every decision I made.

Why?Because I was desperate for people to like me.

When someone didnt like me, I died within.

I didnt love myself.

I had an abysmal low-self worth.

So I tried to please everyone in everyway.

I abhorred any kind of conflict.

Oh yes, I was a mess.

And one of the ways of making them love me was to always say Yes.

I never knew that saying Yes all the time was actually saying No to an abundant life.

So I tolerated all the difficult people and emotional vampires on the planet:Control-Freaks.Drama-Queens.Nut-Cases.Rage-aholics.Irresponsible Jerks. Hyper-sensitive people.Possessive Parasites.You name the difficult person, I pleased each one of themjust to keep the peace.But the false peace came with a price: I was throwing away myinner peace.My self-respect.My self-worth.

Let me tell you one story

Build Your Boundaries

So You Could Welcome People As Guests Through The Gate,

Not Thieves That Run Amok Through Your Life

Billy (not his real name) was a friend who invited me to become a business partner in one of his ventures.

But he had a weakness: He was a controller.He wanted to control me.He wanted to control everyone.The sun and moon and stars included.

For a while, I lived with it.I chalked it up as one of those inconveniences of life, lumped up with Manila traffic, the humidity of the Philippines, and my allergies to shrimp.

But it was incredibly stressful working with Billy.

I didnt want to admit it.But hes my friend, I told myself every time I felt stressed out.I was in denial.My approval addiction was blinding me to the fact that working with him was driving me nuts.

But one day, I had to say No and build my personal boundaries.I allowed him to stomp over my fences many times.I had to repair my boundaries and protect myself.

It was painful, but I knew there was only one way out.So one day, I told Billy that though I wanted to remain friends, I wanted to get out of our business partnership.

That wasnt acceptable to him.So ever since that day, he never spoke to me again.It was painful because our friendship ended.

But I immediately knew I did the right thing because of the inner peace I felt that day.My approval addiction was defanged.For the first time in a long while, I created a conflict.By respecting myself and my boundary lines, I was growing in self-power.

That day, I finally loved myself.

Today, my relationships are richer.

Because my boundaries are whole, people who come into my life are welcomed guests who pass through the gate (I deliberately opened it for them), not thieves that run amok through my life.

When you say No at the right situations, youre saying a bigger Yes to life.

Truth: People Will Do What You Tolerate

So let me ask you this question: Are there people in your life who you should be saying No to?Are there difficult people in your life who have been gate-crashing and running amok in your life?

Remember: You teach people how to treat you.

If that person is abusing you, or breaking your boundaries, that means you taught that person that it was okay to do so.You tolerated it.And people will do what you tolerate.

The solution may not be to end the relationship (though sometimes, it is the solution), but to simply say No at the specific situations where the person is crossing your boundary lines.

Reclaim your self.

Dont allow people to trash you.

God loves you.God created you as His child.God wants you to be happy.

So be happy.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

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